Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
