he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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