Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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