I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
