U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
