Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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