Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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