If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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