After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
