Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
