i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
