I showed him my bush... on skype.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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