they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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