Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
