somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
