i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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