I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize