I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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