Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
