oh god the rape fog is back!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
