I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
