Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
