You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize