Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
