i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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