The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
