I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
