Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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