did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize