The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
