One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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