saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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