You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had sex on a dog bed..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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