when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
