My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
