Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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