i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
