I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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