I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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