Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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