you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
