I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize