I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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