Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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