I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
