Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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