I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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