How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize