me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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