Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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