Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
