Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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