She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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