she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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