I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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