I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Houston, we have a squirter
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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