Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
