Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize