this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
