I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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