Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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