Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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