cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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