I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
