My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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