she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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