So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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