No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
