tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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