can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
