also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize