we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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