New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Someone came in the potted fern
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
