the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
