she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
