dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
