So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
