we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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