great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
