I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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