Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
