Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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