I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
