I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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