If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
