sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
