hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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