she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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