i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
