you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
