Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
