id be glad to
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
