guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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