What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
