I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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