we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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