At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
