Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
