the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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