well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
