I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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